| anchors |
[Jul. 12th, 2008|02:11 pm] |
alaska is beautiful.
it has been nice to get away from everything.
hard at first.
alone with nothing but my thoughts to haunt me.
i don't want to return.
i want to stay gone.
i want to swallow these ghosts.
i want a garden in this graveyard.
my anxiety is torture.
enemy, enemy.
even with medication,
it persists.
i want to release all that i am carrying.
i no longer wish to know the place i called home
i no longer want any new memories there.
i have realized that.
i will leave when i return.
this much is certain.
"leave me alone
for you know this isn't the first time
in fact this is twice in a row
that the angels have slipped through our landslide
and filled up our garden with snow
and I don't wish to taste of your insides
or to call out your name through my phone
for the glory boys at your bedside will love you
as long as you're something to own
follow me through a city of frost covered angels
i swear i have nothing to prove
i just want to dance in your tangles
just give me some reason to move
but to take on the world at all angles
requires a strength i can't use
so I'll meet you up high in your anger
of all that is hoping and waiting for you"
thanks jeff.
be kind to each other.
thats really all we have left. |
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| Somethings. |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|09:42 pm] |
| [ | i feel |
| |  awake | ] |
| [ | ears hear |
| | Futurama | ] |
I'm feeling productive. Maybe even successful. When I first started this philosophy class, I was about as worried as my mother was when I told her I wanted a "Do Not Resuscitate" tattoo. But, despite my worries (and this really annoying guy in my class from Russia who says about 3 times a day that Russia "had our '60s in the '80s" regardless of relevance) I'm surprised to be nearly done with the class having understood more than I planned on learning. So, that's been nice.
Right now I'm staring at a gouge taken out of my right thumb yesterday because it kind of stings when I hit the spacebar. I had to mow my lawn yesterday, and if any of you know me and where I live, you would know that the necessity to get my lawn mowed was intense. And, as luck would have it, the lawn mower my inept landlord supplied me with wasn't working. So after calling everyone I could think of, including some of my parents' friends, I still couldn't find anyone who had their own lawn mower that I could borrow for a couple hours. I drove to my parents' house knowing that there was no way my dad's big lawn mower would fit in my Civic, but for some reason I lifted it into my backseat anyway and rolled one of the windows down so I could shut the door, only to have most of the handle hanging out the window. After surveying the garage for some tools, I ended up actually taking the thing apart out of desperation. It worked, and once I got it reassembled at my house, cutting my lawn was a breeze. However, somewhere in the process my thumb got a good chunk of skin scraped off. Anyway, I refuse to be all "handy" and take it apart again so I've already enlisted Frankie and her big ass Bronco to help me take the mower back to my parents' house.
My mom informed me today that two of my cousins are getting married in August, which shut down my plan to tell her that I didn't think I could make it to the lake this summer. Both guys have been in serious relationships for a while so it was only a matter of time, and I knew Nathan was engaged but they just set a date. And, apparently, Sabin bought a ring for his girlfriend the other day. I'm excited to go now, my mom's side of the family is really casual and down to earth, so much that my aunt laughed at my dad when he asked if he should get a hold of a tuxedo. I'm finally willing to put away the fact that these two guys terrorized me with Nerf guns throughout my childhood because I'm just so happy for both of them. Nathan and his girlfriend are wonderful together, and they adopted a little boy not too long ago (who is cute as a button and obsessed with The Little Mermaid) so I feel like "completing" the family will mean a lot to them. I only met Sabin's girlfriend at my grandpa's funeral in 2006 but she's adorable and successful and definitely has the chutzpah to keep Sabin on track with his career goals.
Last night I had a dream that I got a new laptop and I was mad about how big it was because there was a full page-sized scanner in the top of the lid. I'd keep going but this entry is boring as hell so I'd better stop while I'm ahead. |
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| I've warned you about emo posts in the past |
[Jul. 6th, 2008|10:49 pm] |
And this one is no exception.
As dorky as it may sound to say so,
this girl is,
and will remain,
(no matter what happens)
my reason to live.
So all y'all hataz can just suck it. |
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